Like Suicide

Hole in my heart
Try to fill it with someone new
It just makes it worse
Fill it with cheap beer

Heart ache on my mind
Nothing makes me forget
Your smell, the touch of you
Letting go is like suicide

Is not he

call me christopher
no one else dose
i am not a robin
or a sailor
but i could be your valentine

Pretty when gone

Let me be your final romance.
Kiss these cigarette burns you gave me.
Shaped into little hearts they remind me of a time,
that we shared.

Bright red scars draw my outline.
Of your face in my memory.
I drink to many drinks to make it all go away.
And then you said to me

Kiss me one last time,
Before i hurt you.
One more scare ill make.
When we, dance, and sing on my bed.

Dirty this canvas, you call skin.
Fill these hands with something red.
Ill dirty that pretty dress you love to wear.
And ill sing to you

Dance with me, one last dance.
Hold me, let me breath you in.
Don't say your sorry
I know the truth.
Scream my name,
as i die for you.

Understanding Delora

You turn to look for one split second. I've done this look many times. For one split second you look over your right shoulder. No one is coming. You knew no one would be. Your lane had been slow since before the last light. The guy in front of you wasn't why but I still cursed his name left and right. You look back from that split second; the next 9 seconds feel more like 9 minuets.

The shining of shattered headlight glass lay all over the two lane road. A group of kids walk past. I saw them smile during minuet four. Of course they didn't see what happened. There was no point in asking that. What they saw was a lane of at least four cars. The lead car must have been driven by a monkey. Like dominoes, one of them fucks up the chain. The monkey in front did something to cause each car in line to slow down harder than the one in front of them. The monkey in back wasn't looking. My left front end came under his back right end. Still in the middle of a merge I continued into a tree, stopped.

Minute one I look back, minute two I hit him, minute three blank, minute four kids laugh, minute five I see tree, minute six blank, minute seven tree is in front of me, minute eight all of that catches up with me, minute nine its still catching up with me.

Ever see a film where the lead mans girlfriend, wife, and/or mistress dies or is mutilated. Yea, it's exactly like that. The left fender, hood, and bumper are destroyed. The radiator support is bent in about half a foot. It crushed a few things on its way. The right front tire blew. Paint chipped. And the face on my CD player is now sitting in the back seat. His car is fine. Given his bumper is now torn. Shaken, and stirred. He's fine.

Me? Oh im fine as well. You would think. I just lost the love of my life. The chiropractor found some injuries. My lower back is sore. Middle of my back has an old issue. And my neck is looking bad. Twelve weeks of visits and exercises to strengthen my back. I just want my car. My jobs insurance will cover Dr. Chiro and his assistance snap, crackle and pop. My car insurance will cover the tear in my victim's bumper.

She was taken away for $800. The repair estimate was $4500. I love her, but it's like brain surgery on a dog. You can get a new one for allot less that will last longer.  Till I find a rolling chassis to drop a new heart into. Paint her pretty, sing the new shoes song, do the happy dance.

You don't understand what Delora meant to me. Wait till she rolls out the garage and you will. Watch out streets, we're coming.