Mediocre Saint

I am but a sinner.
No fear of your god.
May your parents listen now.
I am still a good man.
But with out restraint.

When time has chosen me.
No burial,
Send me to sea.
Burn me,
Let my ashes smolder.
Thank your god,
It was only me.

I am but an honest man.
Never killed, never stolen.
I will still burn in hell.
Your lord has forsaken me.
Write me letters so ill know.
I wont see you down here.

Envisage

From the eyes, ears, lips and brain, of Madison.

"My name is Madam Madison. I'm a born and raised Tennessee girl who moved to Wisconsin. I love horror movies, and goth music, and tattoos, and piercings, and cute boys (with tattoos, and piercings), and my black kitty named Goth."

Are you fucking serious?!

Thrice My Smile

Vision black with red sparks. Body heavy. Deep Breaths. Take a seat. Trying not to panic. Cold sweat. Ok, where good.

To fast for you?

Try this.

Four baby puffs on the pipe. A cold sensation runs through my eyes. They feel puffy and heavy. Each vein pulses with THC. Vision becomes dark with speckles of white and red. Its hard to stand so i fall to the couch. Breathing deep and fast. I can feel it happening again. Cold sweat washes down me. Its over. That was nothing like the rest. Mellow.

This is my reaction. And understanding. Ive got an abnormal reaction and paranoia when smoking weed. First is the fact that i'm terrified.

We used to play paintball in college. A bunch of us would gather at a friends house in the mountains and shoot each other up. On this particular game day one guy brought some "cookies". Never having eaten pot before i assumed i could eat the whole thing. We split up for another round. I'm ducked behind some cover for what seemed like hours. Shots go off in the distance but i never see anyone. I walk back down to the house to find everyone there, after what they said was 10 minutes. We go up and hang out in the house. Everyone had brought over their computers so we could play some games. I sit there in front of my PC and, I'm unable to remember how to do anything. Its set in by now. My muscles are pulsing, and feel like jello. I feel bugs all over my body. I go to swallow and think I'm chocking on my adams apple. I lay down, cant move after that. I cant even recall how long i laid there. My body convulses and up comes the cookie. Rejected. My body is in a fight for its life. I'm carried to the bath room. I cling to that toilet for hours. Ive thrown up all the continents of my stomach. I dry heave with such force it feels like my insides are trying to escape. I beg them to call an ambulance, but that would only put us all into a lot of trouble. More time goes by and i hear foot steps and people asking where "he" is at. No one ever comes through the door. The feeling was like death. As if my body was dying and my brain was hanging on just to torture me. Id have rather dyed then felt that way. But i hang on. I crawl into bed, puke stained shirt. And wake up the next morning hungry as fuck.

Its called an overdose.

Experience is a lot. Especially when it does something so violent to your body. I cant be in a room with the smoke with out remembering that night.

But then again, i never learn from doing it once.

Rockstars and marijuana. And i don't mean the ones with big hair. I'm talking about energy drinks. An upper and a downer. Together. Like two positive sides of a magnet...

Just like the last time, but new theory. The cross fade.

Lawnmower man is now my least favorite movie. Smoke a bowl, eat some chips and watch a movie. Except i forgot how to swallow. Mouth full of salsa flavored chips with no flavoring left. This is when i learn. I catch the tall tail signs that this is going to go from good, to chaos. Holding in the chips i go to the bathroom and spit them out. On the toilet, pants ankle high, i fall off. Black out. Time Travel. I'm helped back up. I cant move any thing. I'm blinded with white. Every thing is so bright. It gets brighter, and brighter, and. Vomit. Buckets of cold sweat. That taste. Smell, i see colors, and people. I'm giddy like a college girl, given a second chance at virginity. And my second chance.

Didn't i say i never learn?

Similar plot, better ending.

Rockstar, a few puffs, and a knot on my head.

It felt as if id gotten jabbed in the ribs several times. I couldn't figure out where the pain had come from. It wasn't like i had done anything to bring it on. But its my leg pressing into my side. Blacked out again. I had hit my head on a coffee table. Sat, bent over my knee for a few seconds and came too. I made my legs jump up and down rapidly to make my blood flow a little faster. I kept my breathing normal and trying to just ride it out. I knew what was happening. At least i made it through this time with nothing on my shirt. And i was still hungry as fuck that morning.