Distilling Mind
Not much has been said here in some time. It's making me feel congested. The ideas are all there and formed in my head, but the transition from thought to paper seems exhausting. Almost to far to travel. I'd like to share words about my urges to relapse into a place I've tried to keep from. Thoughts of my distaste in regards to my current place. Words, just words.
Its easier to keep my mind boxed up than it is to mourn myself. The worst part would be over quickly. But at least with these thoughts kept safe, all they can do is rattle the cage. Under lock and key, theres no possible way of escape. I doubt I'm prepared for a disaster of that scale. Just keeping them safe is hard enough. Thoughts, just thoughts.
The response time, for the emotional disaster, my melt down. What is a reasonable time frame for response. And who would respond. If all of these tormenting ideas have been kept so neatly boxed for so long, who's to know anything changed. Who will recognize what I'm wearing on my sleeve. Who has the sort of attention span. People, just people.
Bottoms up. Here's to life.
Fort Ocean
Sometimes i feel like the ocean.
Bottomless but not empty.
Full of life and yet what i've taken.
Vast in its powers, but not passive to say the least.
I visit the shores some times.
Its nice to visit with someone i can relate to.
The sand is warm and welcoming.
Much like my smile, and open arms.
I put on good grace, and cherish each moment.
But the undertide will wash that smile away.
Just as many men have drowned,
Many hearts have been broken.
Some times i feel like the ocean.
Stuck in my ways, not much is changing.
The tide may come high, may come low.
My thoughts may vary the same way.
Valentina
And i was in love.
She sat still, amongst the crowd. Parallel to the lines in the sidewalk. She could have been sited from miles away. Hair that curled like a treble clef. Colored brighter than the greatest concerto. Eyes that could shoot you down faster than Vassili Zaitsev.
But had i known. Had i known that this wasn't just the right place at the right time. But had i known that this was the perfect place, and the only time.
And she was in love.
I had caught glimpse of her, before she caught mine. I had forgotten how to step. The grassy courtyard became a difficult terrain to navigate. Blind, i continued. Heart race.
As if from muscle memory, a climber reaching for a ledge to save themselves from falling hundreds of yards. As if she has known me for ever. Her hand grasped my wrist. Eyes locked.
And we're in love
Glass eyes piercing my own. Lips frowned, shapely and bright, as if they where stolen right from Marilyn Monroe's face. Her words weak, trembled as she sung them.
"I love you."
Kruller
My own personal Autobahn. Not a soul to see in either lane. As if Moses himself parted traffic just for my wreckless speeds. On any other day id have ended up stuck behind a pretentious right-wing prius driver. Or if my luck had any say, beside such an idicotic creature who decides to merge into the side of a SUV double their size. Stay on point, on the line, no distractions.
Disconsolate
Take it back. Take it back, those pretty things. Those pretty words you spoke. Its not for me to hear, not for me to hold. Hope. But i better sit down first. Are you doing ok, is he treating you alright. You should brace yourself. This is getting out of control.
Do not speak that tongue of me. Put your hands down. One more swing i swear. Hush your shivers and screams. These knots and bruses mean i loved you. And you'll love me till they fade.
Take it back. Take it back, those pretty things. Those pretty tears you cried. Its not for he to hear, not for he to mend. Hope. But you better sit down first. Im not ok, is this worth a fight. You should brace yourself. This is getting out of control.
